I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
