I want to make a zoo with you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
