I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
