I think I won the penis lottery.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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