I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
