FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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