I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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