she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
