mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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