see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
