His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
