ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I deserve this hangover.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize