You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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