I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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