I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
