If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
