her vagine was all disorganized.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
