Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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