what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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