I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone shit on the floor
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
