My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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