Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
