wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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