just tell him i said nine months
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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