i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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