Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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