Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
