so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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