i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A bitchslap is in order.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
