just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
