awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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