I didn't shave. On purpose
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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