you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
