forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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