Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
