Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
