erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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