i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
