i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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