my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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