just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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