People in love make me want to vomit
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
