i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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