He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
