i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
