Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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