yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
