The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
