this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
