Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i dont even know how to be here
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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