it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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