i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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