just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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