Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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