Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
