I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
