my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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