I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
