You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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