The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
