Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
