oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
