Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
