So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
